Desi Dads and Their Daughters

Desi Dads and Their Daughters

Fatherhood beyond “providing” and “physical safety”.

Dads! This one is for you (and Moms, some important pointers for you, too).

Traditionally, you are known to be the epitome of authority, someone who loves from a distance and shows affection through providing. You cherish your daughters and hold them close to your heart. You love them and pamper them. As your daughter grows older, she makes certain choices that you may not approve of. She may not remain your sweet little angel once she starts rocking the teens.

Through this post, I am inviting you to challenge yourself to be an extension of who you are as a person and as a father to your daughter(s). Here are a few pointers to begin with:

1. Encourage a dialogue.

Let your conversations be engaging—eliciting opinions around matters of utmost to zero importance, sharing ideas, and problem-solving. Have a coo-ing conversation with your infant daughter, play ‘house’ with your toddler girl, dance in the rain with your grade-schooler, show interest in your teenager’s opinions around world issues and cook in the kitchen with your adult daughter. There are tons of ways to engage in a dialogue with her.

2. Let your authority be calm.

Not an angry one. How often have we heard our desi moms say, “Wait till your dad hears about what you just did!” Moms—let dads not be the feared figures of the family. Let them be a source of persistent nurturance and warmth. How about if the threat changes into an assurance? (“We should address this as a family when your dad is present too.”)

3. Encourage autonomy, not dependence.

Your daughter was born with a personality that you have the responsibility of not curbing. Allow her to get messy and make space for a messy home, too, when she is little. Do not shut down her voice when she tries to argue with you during those tricky teenage years; communicate trust to her while you allow her to make mistakes. Let her make her mistakes and let her fall—all with the knowledge and assurance that you will be there to help her pick up the pieces. As long as she has your unwavering support, she can fight the world and shine through it. Let her choose her interests, her career, her partner, and her goals. Champion her dreams!

Always remember, Dad: Give her wings to fly and roots to grow.